Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Diamonds are no friends......

So it was Mothers day and I decide to go to a Jewellery store to get something for my Mom.

There are two such shops nearby my place; I just go there to check out what kind of stuff they have. I am there, checking out gold bangles, earrings and blah blah….. and this fat guy entered the shop.

I know this fat guy from my high school….I don’t know if he recognized me or not…not that we were ever friends…..he was may be three years junior to me…he was fat back in school too….and now he’s grown bigger. And me, well I was so skinny in school….really…but thanks to all the pizza’s and chicken cooked by Jose’s mom….I guess…. I am no longer skinny….damn I am getting carried away with school stuff…..lets get back to the shop.

A father and son duo runs this store. Old dude was attending to me and answering all my stupid questions. The fat guy walks up to the son, who was attending to a chick.

“Excuse me, can you help me out here….I have a small question”

This young guy asks him to wait…of course the fat guy needs to wait….the “son” was chatting (and showing rings) to this hot chick!!

The girl left in a few minutes. I was still looking at different stuff, wondering if I should really buy something, because no matter what it is, quite frankly my mom would want to exchange it.

“Yes sir, how can I help you” the young guy asked the fat guy.

“Oh … we found this in my mother’s safe….and apparently we don’t know what it is? “ He took out a “sparkling thing” from a faded envelope and handed it over to the young guy.

“I will check it for you, sir”

The young guy takes out some kind of instrument to test this thing. While he was performing this check, his father also got fascinated by what his son was doing and completely stopped answering my equally fascinating dumb questions. I was really pissed.

And I got all the more pissed when the young guy tells the fatso that, that “thing” is a “diamond”. Honestly I just caught a glimpse of that “Sparkling Thing” it was huge…..I have absolutely no knowledge about diamonds…. But if that thing is indeed a diamond….It’s a Fuc#$%& jackpot for that fatso…..there was a turmoil in my head….. May be I should go home and check some murky locker at my place….what the F&*^ ….. May be…. even my grand parents must have buried some “diamond, emerald, ruby” damn something…some precious stone …..Somewhere ……

Seriously, the old dude almost had a heart attack…..he was staring at the “diamond” like a zombie!! He completely ignored me……. That fatso and his fat “Diamond” completely shattered my existence. The fat guy asked the young guy about the approximate price of the diamond. The young guy told him that, it’s probably gonna be worth at least 4-5 lacs (Rupees).

The “mean” devil inside me wanted to smash all three of them and run away with the “diamond”. But this old dude’s zombie look was really creepy and scared the shit out of me. I walked out.

I walked over to this other shop which was very close to the previous one. I was still pissed and a part of my mind was still quarrelling with the “all mighty”. This shop was a little bit bigger than the other one. This one dude started showing me bangles, earrings and other stuff.

In like two minutes, the fat guy walks in here too.

NOW…..If there would have been a pisso-meter or some kindda gadget to measure my intensity of frustration, it would have exploded in all likelihood. I so wanted to slap this fatso…… and tell him to go and join a gym….may be go jogging….. or stop eating …..whatever…..do something meaningful in his sad/fat life …..And for Pete’s sake…he should stop following me from one shop to another with his fat diamond, which quite frankly was making me feel so minuscule.

I swear, but somehow the fat guy looked bigger to me. I mean it felt like he gained couple of kilos just because of the jackpot euphoria. He went over to the other counter and asked the same thing to the guy at the counter.

The guy at the counter took the “Diamond” in his hand ….just looked at it with his naked eye and said “Sir this is just ‘American Diamond’ you know Zircon”

I don’t know shit about diamonds…this is just gibberish for me….but still……somehow life was looking good again!! There was Hope……God was not trying to tell me that I am his nastiest creation!! I wanted to “salute” the guy at the other counter.

The guy at the counter added “This is probably worth Rs 150-200”

I was elated……the “devil” inside me wanted to set the fat guy in the school auditorium and tag him “JACK-ASS” ………

I knew pretty well that there is a possibility that this guy was wrong and that was indeed a real Diamond. But I wanted to end the story there. So I walked out…. yet again.

P.S: My mom is very “picky”; she “condemns” pretty much everything, even the things that she herself selects. So I guess I will just take her to the store and whatever she wants to buy……I love her though!! Also I "don't have no" intentions to offend/ridicule people are over weight. (“Fiction without any Friction”……please....peace)

55 comments:

AJEYA RAO said...

Interesting. I liked the final decision you took, sounds wise.:-)

Gonecase said...

What was it finally, a real or american one ?? I used to think that american stuff was ok, chinese stuff used to be the cheaper one .... was it chinese american diamond, hehe..interesting piece !!

Akshay said...

Thanks Ajeya Rao, sometimes I just feel like finishing things my way....I had to go home...thank god he did not follow me there...

Akshay said...

Gonecase

Dude, I am pretty sure that the Father/Son duo in the first shop were crazy....at one point the "son" also said that "It could be Zircon, it's hard to test it"....

http://www.galleries.com/minerals/silicate/zircon/zircon.htm

Shruti said...

lol.. u jealous little thing! :P

hey.. no wonder I haven't seen u around.. u'r a brand new blogger :-) welcome to this world :-D

Cynic in Wonderland said...

i hope the dude went back to the first shop and SOLD it :>D

brocasarea said...

nice man...:).pretty hilarious!..by the what is the truth???..was that worth 4- laks???.....plz find it out!!!

k10 said...

Lol..
Interesting story..

Akshay said...

Shruti:

I guess it's ok to feel Jealous...I have a little devil inside me...

I tried blogging previously but somehow was not able to keep up to it...had to create a new account though!! Thanks for dropping by!!

Akshay said...

Cynic in Wonderland : No kidding!! That father and son duo would have gulped it down ....I am telling you the way the old guy looked at the diamond....it was pure Lust....

More I read about Zircon, it seems like it really can pass as a diamond.

Thanks for your comments!!

Akshay said...

brocasarea: sure thing, Next time I go to that shop, I'l try to find out...

Thanks for dropping by!!

Akshay said...

Thanks K10...

Tammy said...

Maybe the guys at the other shop were trying to scam him by telling him it was worth less then it really was? I hope you mom had a lovely mothers day!

Express said...

eh! niiccee 1....well, even thought my mums' choosy too, I somehow prefer 2 buy stuff for her... but the guys sometimes do have horrible choice! hope ur mum ws happy by teh end of it all! :P

This year mother's day coincided with my mums birrday!!! well, she ws in kolkata n me in pune, so cudnt do much...shall have a grand thing 2nite!

The narration is amazing, best thing i liked ws the P.S. :P

Cheers!

Akshay said...

Tammy....let's it be a fake one...don't kill it for me...LOL.... I hope you had a nice mothers day too..njoy the weekend!!

Akshay said...

Express!! Njoy the grand thing!! Best wishes for your mom!!

Tairebabs said...

Pisso-meter?? That word I love.so funny your describtion. But just like tammy said I think the guys in the second shop may be trying to scam the fat guy.

Cool post. U sure made me laugh.

Macadamia The Nut said...

LOL!! Meano! :D But 100% genuine human emotions ;)

P.S. Did you go hunt for 'your' diamond? :D

quarterpastseven said...

lol hahaah that's a funny story.. I can imagine the disappointment the guy must have gone through..

Akshay said...

Tairebabs : Thanks for your words of appreciation!!

Akshay said...

Macadamia The Nut: Yeah... sometimes my friends also call me "Meano" lol...I can't help it!!

Too bad, my mom doesn't have any of those secret lockers...or may be it's too much of a secret!!

Akshay said...

quarterpastseven : Thanks

debasish.. said...

nice one dere..
its gr8 dat u care for ur Mom. Prolly, it was a coincidence to find dat 'fatso' at the other shop too..

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Interesting story! I wonder if it was a real diamond....

Btw, thanks for stopping by my blog!

AaYuShI said...

AArr..thats a cool post

nice blog (s)



Aayushi

MysticGem said...

LOL.. I can understand you being pissed. Shop owners have a tendency to completely drop other customers when potential "big money" comes through the door. I wonder if the fat guy got ripped off.

Thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate your comments. I'm glad you enjoy!

Akshay said...

debasish..: I loved Lala-Land...Thanks for droppin by!1

Akshay said...

NigerianDramaQueen: thanks

Akshay said...

AaYuShI: Thanks, which one's you in that photograph!!

Akshay said...

MysticGem : I look forward to read more on your blog. I was writing a semi-autobiographical story where I was not really sure if I should describe in detail the intimate moments between the characters... and then I read your blog and decided to go ahead with it!! Thanks for dropping by!!

Chriz said...

haha.. man you made a great decision at last.. thanks for coming to my blog... do hop there

iriz said...

nice one! and you are such a sweet son... ;0)

Gypsy said...

lol!! that was such a naty piece- could relate to it so easily :) good fun! so have you tried digging around the dark corners of your house for an heirloom or two?

Akshay said...

Chriz : Thanks...I'll keep stalking ur blog!

Akshay said...

Iriz: thank you...

Akshay said...

Gypsy: yeah... unfortunately my we did a renovation just a few months ago...and all we cud find was crap...and more crap....

undercover said...

Wow, that was intense.

crasiezt said...

LOL! I can completely understand your plight man...I remember the times when I used to go jewellery shopping with my mom...some things are better left unsaid I think:D

And the fat guy..lol...what a jackass!

Good one man!

Earric said...

I woulda laughed if it was a real diamond but he was being scammed and sold it for not nearly what it was worth. That would be the best. :D

Cinderella. said...

This was damn funny...lol !!

I love mean devils, who know how to spill their guts...(pssst : coz I am one)....hehe !!!

Ad you never told me you have linked me...?!

Why dont they tell me anymore...

Tairebabs said...

Hi Akshay.

You have been TAGGED. see my blog!

Ranjana said...

hey akshay must say a wonderful thought that u went to select something for ur mom on mother's day...so did u take her out n did she finally select anything?

by the way hilarious story.....n my my i think you should start a gym of ur own n make everyone around u fit

Akshay said...

crasiezt : Thanks for dropping by!!

Akshay said...

Earric : lol

Akshay said...

Cinderella: Thanks

hey I guess you can grant me the permission now....

Akshay said...

Tairebabs : Yipee!!! I have been Tagged!!

Akshay said...

Ranjana:

Welcome to Blogville!! I haven't taken my mom out yet for shopping, will probably do it over the weekend.

Thinking-of-a-pen-name said...

hey..had a nice tym reading..gud post:D

Akshay said...

Thinking-of-a-pen-name : thanks for dropping by!!

Satanic Angel said...

LOL this was completely hilarious..lol and am glad u r a sadist too >:) muhahahahaha

rashmi said...

he he he... that was a good one
sometime we do feel mean for no reason at all...
genuine emotion here

Akshay said...

Thanks @ satanic angel!!

Akshay said...

Rashmi...I think I am mean most of the times....lol

Madhuri said...

Very dissatisfying story :( ... very compelling too :)!!

Akshay said...

Madhuri: thanks for ur comments...